The pain and suffering that comes with a relationship that is breaking down is horrible and sometimes debilitating. It affects your every waking moment and many of the moments where you should be sleeping. “Fix Marriage” or “Fix Relationship” is going through your mind the entire time. No matter what you do during the day or night, those words are running through your brain like a loop that won’t be broken. It will be a constant “help me fix my relationship” in your mind, whether you think it consciously or not, because it is consuming your life at the present.
What can you do about it? Can you turn your relationship around?
The first thing anyone who is in a relationship that is on the rocks should think about is, “Should this marriage or relationship be saved?”
If it is an abusive relationship, you really need to think about your NEEDS, not your WANTS. You may WANT to stay with this person, but you NEED to move on if the relationship is harmful to you and/or family members.
Do you have children or other family members living with you that may also be harmed? You have to think about what is best for all parties involved in these cases.
While you may not WANT to be alone or start over without a specific person, if the relationship was not a caring and respectful one, NEEDING to move away from that relationship may be more important than WANTING to stay with someone familiar.
OK, you want to stay with this person or you want them back, depending on where you are in the breaking up process.
When talking to the other person, are you saying stuff that comes off as desperate, needy, or even worse, argumentative?
If you are, in essence, you are training the other person to think of you as someone who gives pain or discomfort with contact! This is NOT what you want the other person to think of when they think of you.
There are psychological factors that you need to be aware of at all times when contacting your ex or soon to be ex.
One of the common factors is that “humans tend to want what they can’t have”.
If you are acting or sounding desperate or needy, that other person will automatically KNOW that they can have you back immediately if they so wished! They KNOW that they could call you and you would be there in an instant! So why should they talk to you or see you when you whine that you miss them when they KNOW they can have you at any time?
It won’t happen.
You need to make them want to call you! You need to make them wonder how you are and what you are doing, ’cause all of a sudden you are not calling anymore, you are not hounding them, and you definitely are not leaving voice mails, emails, or texting every 5 minutes.
And when they find out that you are doing OK without them…
Now all of a sudden they are wondering if you’ll even show up if they call you!
If they think you are doing OK or well without them, then all of a sudden, they think that “maybe I can’t have them anymore”…
Stop the madness of the pain and confusion that occurs when you’re in the middle of a breakup, whether it’s a marriage or a relationship and fix it! Fix Marriage or Fix Relationship should be running in your head and you have one tool, one psychological factor that you can use to your advantage. There are MANY psychological factors that you can use to get your relationship back on track, but the one given here is one of the first ones to use.
Take control of your life and your relationship and break that chain of pain.